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Mrs. Kopp's Comments will be in PURPLE. 4/1//09 Erik(hair extensions), Megann(hair coloring), Mike(clothes), And Dax(diets) Jokers Section 4 Mrs. Kopp Research Paper

Many people have their own opinions of beauty so no one actually knows what American beauty is. With so many different cultures it's hard trying to define beauty in America. There are so many different fashions that it makes it even harder to define beauty. There are so many different perceptions of beauty a few parts of being beautiful in America are hair, clothes, and staying skinny. This is a good solid opening BUT where is your thesis statement? One of many things A mericans do to their hair is hair coloring. With hair coloring people dye it, highlight it, or bleach it. There are four different kinds of hair dying. The first kind which is the easiest to maintain and used is called Temporary Hair Dye.[ wikipedia.com] Punctuation goes after the citation. Temporary Hair dye is the easiest to maintain because it comes out easy by just washing your hair once. Usually, Temporary Hair Dye comes in crazy colors like blue, pink, green, red, and others. But it can also come in normal hair colors like brown, black, and blonde. Another type of hair dye which is the second easiest to maintain is Semipermanent Hair Dye.[wikipedia.com] This hair dye is almost like temporary except it lasts longer and comes out within four to five showers. The next hair dye which lasts longer than These words should be lower case. T__emporary and Semipermanent is Demipermanent.__ [ wikipedia.com] This hair dye comes out within 28- 30 showers. Most people that want to dye their hair without changing the color too much use Demipermanent because it only lasts for a month. Demipermanent Hair dye is the most popular hair dye used. The last hair dye is the hardest to maintain but most commonly used which is Permanent Hair dye.[ wikipedia.com] This hair dye penetrates hair and takes awhile to fade. It fades when hair roots grow. Most people that are older, in their 40's and older use Permanent Hair Dye because it is the best hair dye for covering gray hair. That is why it is commonly used by older woman. Another one of many things that people do to their hair is hair bleaching. [wikipedia.com] Hair bleaching is used to lighten hair a lot and help get the hair color you want. It is one of the worst hair dyes though because it is hard to maintain and it hurts peoples hair. Hair bleach is Permanent Hair Dye. Another flaw about hair bleach is that it makes peoples hair gray at a younger age. People need to be careful when using hair dye because if they do it too much or use it the wrong way it can really damage their hair. Megan overall good job on this. You needed to use pictures to add here and could have used them as examples. This should be split up into two paragraphs. One of a few things A mericans do with their hair is hair extentions.Be sure to proofread there are many mispellings in this paragraph .Hair extentions have been said to be the hottest items in todays beauty. . You avoid using "you" can glue, stich, clip, or lace on hair extentions. People say hair extentions is the best way to get long and full hair. Celebrities like Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Raquel Welch love and represent this fashion style by starting their own advertisement for hair extentions. The most popular way to put on hair extentions is the hair extentions because they are so easy to put on, and or remove. The most complex way or adding or hair extentions is the glue necause of the uncovience of having to put the glue in.Hair extentions have so many choices that people could easly get confused from all the diffrent options.. Eric - This was okay but you need more details and information plus photos. Remember that punctuation always goes after the citation because it's part of the sentence. Every culture in the world has some type of clothing. Some of it has to do with the climate and some of it has to do with people's idea of fashion and beauty. The types of clothes people wear have to do with how old they are and if they're male or female. Not only do clothes make good fashion in American beauty but they also have an interesting history. 500 years ago clothes for boys were very different than from what they look like today ([]). Boys and girls wore the same types of outfits as their mothers until they were the age of 4 - 6 years old ([]). After that in the mid 18th century juvenile clothes for children but they weren't worn much until the end of the century ([]). Early 1900's fashion for women was to highlight the mature full figured body ([]). For 1900-2000 women's American clothing like rearenhancing bustles, short flapper dresses, wide leg bell bottoms, and ripped jeans made a really fascinating history for the 20th century ([]). Mike you need more information in this paragraph - it is mostly long citations.
 * I know that you wrote these paragraphs separately BUT you have to make transitions from one idea to the next or the paper is very choppy.

Group - What happened here? You have NO closing paragraph, NO pictures, NO videos, and your works cited is incomplete. DAX - WHERE IS YOUR PARAGRAH? It's not here at all? You also did NOT include your THESIS statement in your intro paragraph. I am sorry to say but I am VERY disapointed in this paper.

This outline looks good but it should be before the paper. thesis- There are so many different perceptions of beauty a few parts of being beautiful in America are hair, clothes, and staying skinny.

I. hair 1. weaves a.weaves are also called hair interigation 2.glue a. how to use glue to put of extension b. how to remove hair extension 3. stitch on a. how they are put on 4. clip on a. what extension is 5. lace on a.what extension is 6. hair color a. about temporary dye b. semipermanent dye c.demipermanent dye d. permanent dye e. hair bleach II. Clothes 1.1900-2000 womans clothes a. all different kinds of clothes 2. 1900-2000 boy clothes a. all different kinds of clothes 3. 1900-2000 juvenille clothes a. different juvenile clothes III. Dieting 1. all about dieting a. different diets 2.eating disorders a. different eating disorders and effects 2. why people have the want to be skinny

WORKS CITED! 1. "Hair Weave." __Wikipedia.__ 3.14.09. 17 Mar 2009 <[|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/hair_weave>];. 2.  3. "Hair Coloring." __Wikipedia__. July 19 2007. 19 Mar 2009 <[|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_coloring>];. Where are the rest of your sources? You should have one website, one database, and two books! How did you write this paper with only one source on Hair?? Rubrics for your Research Paper - The research paper must contain a thesis statement that is discussed and proven in the paper. Stick to your topic. 50 pts - MIssing -Paper discuss beauty in the culture you were assigned and also reflects on how that beauty is maintained. 30pts +30 -Each group must complete an outline BEFORE they start writing their paper and submit it with the final paper. 20 pts _+20 - Parenthetical citations (in MLA format) must be used correctly throughout paper. 25 pts+19 - A works cited page must be included at the end of your paper. 20 pts+5 -Researched information must be paraphrased correctly or in quotes. 25 pts+25 --Each group has used at LEAST two book sources, one internet source, and one database source. 15 pts+5 - Paper includes photos and video that enhance writing. 40pts _+ 0 -Paper contains correct spelling, transitions, complex sentence structures, and good vocabulary. 20 pts+10 -Photos and video are placed in appropriate places in the paper. 15pts +0 

Total Points: /260 DAX: 150/260=58 F (see me about this!) Mike and Eric: 175/260 = 67 D+ Megan: 195/260= 75 Comments: