BMJ+ROUGH+DRAFT

= = =Mrs. Kopp's Comments are in purple! 4/1/09 = =Outline -outline looks great but you needed to have your Theses statement written here! = I. Intro- (Brief description and questioning about beauty in different countries) - Thesis statement about The Padaung Tribe of Burma = =

II. Body- Description about the beauty of Burma = =

1. Brief introduction to the tradition

= = 2. How did the the tradition start a. The princess wearing rings = =

3. The myths about the tradition a. Physical Damage b. Rings c. Injuries d. Stretching the necks = =

III. Corsets 1. Describe the corsets a. Reasons b. Why it ended c. Physical Damage = = IV. Conclusion- (Restate the thesis statement and end with a closing)

=OUR FINAL PAPER=

Throughout the world, people are doing things to make themselves look beautiful and more appealing. Human beings are willing to endure pain, and cause physical damage to themselves for beauty reasons. From the Mursi and Surma Women of Ethiopia who stick needles inside themselves to look pretty, to the uncomfortable jewelry of India the people of the world have an interesting way of showing their perspective of beauty. The Padaung Tribe of Burma (Myanmar) is one of  the largest tribes in Southeast Asia and has one of the most unique cultures in the world. In addition, they have interesting way of expressing their traditions of beauty.  -Excellent opening!  This place is called a zoo not because of its animals, but because of its long-necked giraffe woman (Gray 1-1). In the heart of Burma, there lies a tribe with a unique culture and way of expressing beauty. The Padaung tribe of Burma elongate their necks by wrapping coils around their necks. By doing this, they push down their collarbones and their neck looks longer. These long-necked giraffe woman believe that their long necks not only differentiate them from the other people on the earth but also serve as a way to articulate their ideas of beauty (Brazil 1-1).

The women of Burma wear the coils because their beloved princess wore them all the time. The princess of Burma started to wear them when the prince returned from his trip with many gifts for her (The Hill Tribes of Myanmar 1-1). She loved all the silver and brass coils and rings that he brought her. She put some on her arms, some on her legs, and some on her neck (Mansfield 1-1). She wore them all the time and in doing so her collarbone and rib cage were pushed to give her the image of a longer neck. Ever since then it has become a tradition for a wealthy family of a girl around five or six, to put on the brass or silver coils around their necks (The Hill Tribes of Myanmar 1-1).-very interesting facts about how this came to be.

Different myths and misconceptions have been created about this tribe and their traditions. One myth states that the coils outstretches the neck and causes it to become weak. "Rather, it is an illusion created by the compression of the collarbone and ribs."(Brazil 1-1) Another misconception says that if the coils were to be removed, the neck would be so weak it would not be strong enough to hold up the head or the bearer of the coils would suffocate. These mythes -spelling are not true and the coils around the necks are occasionally removed. In addition to having the brass coils on the neck, the Padaung Tribe of Burma also wore coils in other places. The members of the tribe wore some coils around their arms and legs at times (Mansfield). They wore coils on their hips to make them look thinner. Unlike the coils on the neck, when people wore them, they would have to suffer severe physical pains such as not being able to sit down strait or dying while giving birth. The tradition of the corsets being placed around the hips has died out because the Padaung have found out of these pains (Africa Speaks 1-1).

In conclusion, the Padaung Tribe's unique form of beauty is very exotic and interesting. The amazing different types of cultures and forms of beauty in the world, show us that beauty to everyone's eyes is different. Although people around the world sacrifice a lot for beauty, the Burmese people know their limits and have discontinued their traditions of long coiled necks and corsets (Mansfield1-1). At the end it does not matter what type of rings people put around their necks, which type of corsets women use, or how shiny the rings around their neck are; real beauty is decided by the eye of the beholder. - Excellent paper - well written and it flowed perfectly! Great job! I will be using this as an example for other students!

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=CITATIONS: =

Abdulcadir, Omar. "Female Genital Mutilation." __Africa Speaks__ 24 April 2004 1-1. 17 Mar 2009 [].

Brazil, El-Branden. "The Long Neck Padaung Tribe." __The Mystic Traveler__. 02 FEB 2005. 16 Mar 2009 [].

Gray, Denis. "Padaung 'Giraffe Women'." 1999 1-1. 16 Mar 2009 [] Mansfield, Stephen. "The Padaung." __The Padaung__. 5 Sept 2002. 18 Mar 2009 [].

Nash, Manning. "Burma Cultures."__Encyclopedia of World Cultures__. 1st ed. 1993.
Sochaczewski, Paul. "Trust Us, We Know Better Than You Do"." __Paul Sochaczewski__. 1998. 17 Mar 2009 [].

Unknown, Unknown. "The Padaung Tribe." __The Hill Tribes of Myanmar__ 19 March 2009 1-1. 19 Mar 2009 []. = =

Yin, Saw Myat. __Cultures of the World: Burma__. 1. New York: Marshall Cavendish, 1990.
Rubrics for your Research Paper

- The research paper must contain a thesis statement that is discussed and proven in the paper. Stick to your topic. 50 pts +50 -Paper discuss beauty in the culture you were assigned and also reflects on how that beauty is maintained. 30pts +30 -Each group must complete an outline BEFORE they start writing their paper and submit it with the final paper. 20 pts _+20 - Parenthetical citations (in MLA format) must be used correctly throughout paper. 25 pts +25 - A works cited page must be included at the end of your paper. 20 pts +20 -Researched information must be paraphrased correctly or in quotes. 25 pts +25 --Each group has used at LEAST two book sources, one internet source, and one database source. 15 pts +15 - Paper includes photos and video that enhance writing. 40pts _+40 -Paper contains correct spelling, transitions, complex sentence structures, and good vocabulary. 20 pts +17 -Photos and video are placed in appropriate places in the paper. 15pts +15

Total Points: 257/260 = 98 Way to go!

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